Higher Self Journal

Inspiring Journal by Cancer Survivor

By Amy Raab, wife, mom, photographer, and breast cancer survivor.

Getting my medical marijuana license was one of the first things I did after being diagnosed with breast cancer. Smoking pot had always been my preferred form of intoxication since trying it as a teenager. Over the years I managed to find weed through college and 25+ years of life as a suburban housewife, mom, and artist but now it would be legal and fun to shop for it in a swanky dispensary, and I’d be able to consume it publicly with no stigma!

When the day finally came, a friend came and picked me up to take me to our local dispensary. I was in the depths of chemo – not a single hair on my body, ghostly pale; looking and feeling like death. August in Maryland…dreadfully hot and humid, and I was so sick I wanted to die. The experience of sitting in a dark, air conditioned Hawaiian themed waiting room filled with the aroma of weed and being called in to see “my budtender” was my first dose of relief from medical cannabis.

He asked about which terpenes and cannabinoids I liked and began to explain their properties, and I just could not deal. An old Led Zeppelin song was playing. It instantly brought me back to slow dancing to Stairway to Heaven in middle school. Now here I am, 52 years old with breast cancer, marijuana is legal and I’m buying it from a teenager in a bougie boutique. Who knew.

The dispensary had a printed cannabis guide and of course, there’s an infinite amount of cannabis info online, but I was too sick to read. I picked out a vape pen of Tangerine Dream because of Led Zeppelin. As time went on, I tried lots of new strains and forgot which ones I liked. One budtender suggested I cut out the label with the important stuff from the package and tape it in a journal to help me figure out which strains work best for nausea and pain. I was too sick to deal with that but thought it was a brilliant idea.

Medical marijuana brought me peace throughout my cancer treatments and all of my surgeries. I was able to let go of my worries and pain and just live in the present moment ~ focusing on the abundance of beauty and love that surrounded me every day. It brought euphoric moments to my daily life of sitting outside listening to the birds, or inside listening to music, receiving a visit from a friend or words of support from a total stranger. I was awakened to a higher power in the world and a higher power in myself. My mind and body were lifted into a state of lightness and vitality, and I felt nothing but gratitude for my life.

Here I am. Three years later. I have a new life to live. My purpose is now to pass along the gifts I have been given and to share my gratitude for life with the world. I’m ready to help others with my journal, “My Higher Self.”

Whether you are seeking greater health or simply have a desire to connect spiritually with yourself and the world, I hope my journal creates a path to happiness with daily moments of peace and reflection as you record your progress.

The first few pages include all the simple science you really need to know to get started, followed by pages on which you can record each new strain and describe your own experience with it. All interspersed with images of my own euphoric moments and adventures from Maine to New Mexico while celebrating my new cancer-free life.

I hope that you enjoy discovering all of the tiny miracles of the cannabis plant and are delighted and inspired by my book as you connect with your higher self through cannabis. 


You can see and purchase the journal at Canuvo or at Blurb.

About Amy Raab, click here.

Moose Pond, Bridgton, ME.



Sage Peterson
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